For the past week I've been holding my breath! I don't think I've ever been so stressed in my entire life as I've been waiting for the results of a blood test which was checking me out for ovarian cancer. This morning I went for my results and unless you've ever been in this position yourself you will not have a clue how it feels to wait for these sort of test results or to be told ALL CLEAR - nothing to worry about.
As I make this blog entry, an hour or so after getting my GOOD NEWS I can still feel my heart thumping and my head is pounding because of the stress. Lord only knows what my blood pressure is like at the moment! I know my body is cram packed with stress hormones that I need to get rid of as soon as possible. I took the day off work today - not sure which way my test results were going to go - I was pretty sure that even if the news was good I was going to feel pretty awful just because of the worry! And I was right!
While I've been waiting for my results I've had time to analyze how I feel about the possibility of having cancer and I came to the conclusion that I'd be BLOODY ANGRY in the first instance. My mantra this week has been "I'm 50 years old - I'm not ready to be so ill just now" and my thoughts have gone to my maternal grandma - Muriel Joyce. She died in 1977 of cancer aged 53. In a few years I'll pass that age and I've taken it very much for granted that I will actually make it to a greater age than my grandma did. The next strong feeling I had about the possibility of serious illness surprised me very much. It was the worry of leaving my family behind, and leaving my dogs behind and how would they cope? My next thought was for myself - Am I afraid to die? I'd be lying if I said no, but I suspect that the run up to dying is probably a whole lot more frightening than dying itself. I suspect that when the time comes death is very easy. A friend of ours has "died" on two occasions and doesn't remember a thing about it. He is one of two friends who has terminal cancer. I don't know how either of them can carry on in a "normal" manner with this hanging over their heads. I hope that I will now have a greater appreciation of their situation.
This week has started me on a learning curve towards understanding that that you really can't take anything for granted, especially where your health is concerned, and that I shouldn't keep putting things off because one day there will be no more tomorrows left. I've had a scare but I'm going to be fine.
So, no more worries about cancer for me. I can now think about the other good news I had this week - the all clear from my chiropractor to do a little bit of running between now and my next appointment. I'm really looking forward to running again. One of the other tests I had during these past few weeks was a DEXA scan to check my bone density. This has shown that although I've not got osteoporosis my bones are certainly thinning and I can't afford to loose any more bone density. To help this along I will now be taking calcium tablets every day, and will need another DEXA scan in 3 years time. The good news is - RUNNING is a great idea - especially if I do it OUTDOORS in the sunshine :)
My ambition to run a marathon one day is still alive inside me.
You can expect to see me running again very soon!
Little by little I want to work towards my marathon ambition even if it takes me til I'm 60!
Life is good
Netty
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